


how close is close enough?

by acorpseinthisbed



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29416800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acorpseinthisbed/pseuds/acorpseinthisbed
Summary: Frank has been in love with Gerard for three years, four months, and 27 days.They've been broken up for about a year and two months of that time.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	how close is close enough?

**Author's Note:**

> happy valentine's day?

Frank stands in front of the Way house, fingers itching for a smoke, a hit, a fucking bottle. Anything to fiddle with, to take the edge off the nerves he's steadfastly ignored for approximately fifteen minutes, the time it takes to get from his house to theirs.

It's been over a year. He shouldn't still feel this pit in his stomach.

He pulls in a deep breath of cold winter air, feels the chill of it in his lungs as he squares his shoulders and knocks.

It's been a long time since he's knocked on the front door. The last time he did, he remembers, he had flowers. A little grocery store bouquet he'd wrapped in Halloween-themed tissue paper. Gerard had lit up, grinning and laughing and pulling him in for a kiss that was more smile than kiss. Frank had smiled right back against his mouth, his tiny little teeth.

He doesn't have flowers, this time. It's just him, cold and nervous and small, shoulders hunched, hands shoved into pockets. He shouldn't be here. He really shouldn't fucking be here, no matter what Mikey's said, or Ray.

Or Gerard.

Donna opens the door, and Frank's so fucking relieved that she looks the same, that she grins at him the same and pulls him in for a hug just like she always has. That she still likes him after he broke her son's heart.

"Hey, Frankie. You know you don't have to knock, honey, come in."

He nods, thanks her as he pulls off his beanie, fiddles with the fingerless gloves on his hands, the arms of his thick winter coat. He's not sure if he should take it off or not, if he's actually wanted here.

"Take your coat off, honey, stay a while. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

Frank nods, ducks his head as he sheds his outer layers, toes off his shoes. Donna doesn't comment on the fact that he's barely said a word to her, and he's so fucking thankful he could cry. He's scared shitless, scared he'll see Gerard and just as scared he won't. Scared that they all hate him for what he did, no matter what Ray and Mikey have said to reassure him.

When he's down to his jeans and socks, his polo layered over a long sleeve, he turns back to Donna, who's bustled to the kitchen, the sound of water running and the cabinet door shutting as familiar as the same sounds from his own house.

"You want some coffee, Frank? Or hot chocolate? I was gonna make some before I head out to see the girls."

Frank trails behind, stops in the doorway to the kitchen, so bright compared to the rest of the house.

"No thanks, Mrs. Way."

He doesn't ask if Gerard is home. He knows he is.

"Is Mikey here?" he asks instead, doesn't look away when she turns to look him in the eye. She searches his face, and she sighs, this small, barely visible tightening of her mouth, a slumping of her shoulders. Frank pretends he doesn't notice, doesn't let his brain try to figure out what the face means.

"He should be upstairs, but you know him. I don't know half the places that boy goes." She shakes her head, and he knows how worried she is for him under that fond exasperation, the wry tilt of her mouth. Frank tries on a smile, and he's relieved when it doesn't feel too forced.

"Yeah. Thanks, Mrs. Way."

"Of course, Frankie. Have fun."

He nods, turns and takes the stairs two at a time. He resolutely doesn't look down at the hall, or down toward the stairs to the basement.

He gives a quick couple knocks before popping his head in to find Mikey laying on his stomach, feet kicked up behind him like a girl in one of those cliche movie sleepovers, a copy of Doom Patrol in hand. He looks up over the pages at Frank and his mouth curls up on one side. Frank's chest loosens, just a little.

"Hey man, come in."

Frank nods, shutting the door behind him as he steps in. He hesitates for just a moment, and he feels so goddamn awkward standing here, twiddling his thumbs that he can't stand it. He walks over to the old desk chair, plopping his ass down as it jerks and wobbles dangerously beneath him. He grins over at Mikey, wide and obnoxious, and hopes it hides the fear that's had its fingers around his throat since he walked up to the house.

"What are you doing home, Mikes? No big party to go to?"

Mikey rolls his eyes, mouth still curled up on one side. "No good ones, not this early."

He flips a page in the comic book before looking up and meeting Frank's gaze, his face serious. "I wasn't sure if you'd come. I'm glad you did."

Frank looks down at his socked feet, shrugs a shoulder. He didn't think he'd make it here, either, if he's being honest.

"Yeah, well."

Mikey takes the non-answer, scooting over to give Frank room to lay beside him as he flips to the first page and hands it over. They're pressed together all along their sides, Mikey warm and bony against him, and it's comforting, easy in a way things haven't felt in a while. Frank nods his thanks and takes the comic carefully, as if he'll ruin it if handled wrong. He wonders if this is Gerard's copy but doesn't ask, banishing the thought as he reads.

"How are you doing?"

Frank swallows past the tightness of his throat, doesn't look up from the page as he pretends to be totally absorbed. He hasn't read this issue yet, but the words and pictures blur and warp in front of his eyes, unable to focus on anything but the way his heart races, the way he's been listening for any noises from Gerard's room without even being aware that he was doing it. He sighs.

"It's ok. Not as bad as it was, you know." He hadn't been able to crawl out of bed that whole first week. He'd barely eaten, slept too much and not enough. He'd cried more than he ever has in his life, locked himself away from everyone, his mom trying to talk to him through the wood, comforting him when he didn't want to be comforted, didn't think he deserved it. He'd hurt the best person in his life, the person he was in love with, and it ate at him like nothing else ever had, draining the life out of him until he was nothing but heartache and pain and memories, a shell, a zombie, for months after.

It had been fucking awful, but he's gotten past it, mostly. The pain is still there sometimes, but it isn't killing him like it was before.

Mikey nods. He wasn't there during the worst of it, but Frank's sure that he saw the way Frank couldn't quite hide how lifeless and fucking sad he was even months after. He'd never regretted anything as much as breaking up with Gerard, no matter how necessary it had felt at the time. He'd avoided Mikey like the plague at first, feeling as though he shouldn't ask Mikey to help him when he had been the one to break things off, when he'd been the one to break his brother's heart. He couldn't ask Mikey to help him through that.

It had taken some time, but he's been getting better. Not quite at a hundred percent yet, but better, much better than he had been.

He leans his head against Mikey's sharp shoulder, and Mikey leans his head against Frank's. Frank sighs, feeling more at peace than he has in a while.

"He's wanted to see you, you know," Mikey murmurs, as if it's a secret. Maybe it is. Frank wonders if Gerard would want Mikey to tell him this, but he can't help but hang on every word.

"I don't blame you for what happened, and I know he doesn't, either. I just want you to know that he isn't holding it against you."

Frank nods. Something in his chest squeezes and loosens, and he swallows past the tightness of his throat as he stares down at the comic in his hands.

They settle like that for a while, and eventually Frank is able to focus enough to read. He skims it, half-focused as he listens to the sounds in the house, tries to listen for any sign of Gerard. He hears it when Donna leaves, the front door shutting, her car pulling out of the drive. He leans against Mikey, who's grabbed a different comic and flips through it much faster than Frank. Frank let's himself sink into the easy quiet, let's himself relax.

He registers the sound of a door, footsteps on the floor below. When they climb up the stairs he tenses, wondering if he can hide in the closet or jump out the window before Gerard gets to the door. Mikey grabs his wrist, light enough to pull away but solid, grounding. Frank feels like his heart is going to give out, but he stays where he is beside Mikey on the bed as the door swings open, no knock. Neither of them ever seemed to knock when they went in each other's rooms, much to everyone's chagrin when Mikey would pop in in the middle of a make out session and, on one especially mortifying occasion, after Frank had spent the night with Gerard later in their relationship. Frank had jumped off Gerard and hid under the comforter just in time, but his red face and bare shoulders had been more than enough to clue Mikey in on what he'd walked in on.

Frank sucks in a breath as Gerard steps into the room, eyes only on him as Gerard looks straight back, ducking his head to hide behind his hair as much as he can. It looks clean, flipping at the ends in soft little curls that make Frank's stomach flip, makes him want to reach out and brush it from his face like he has countless times before.

He doesn't know how long they stay like that, staring at each other. Frank barely feels it when Mikey nudges him. It's been weeks since he saw Gerard last, but every time leaves him breathless.

"Hey, Frankie," Gerard smiles, a slight upturn on the corner of his mouth that Frank wants to kiss. Frank can't help but smile back.

"Hey, Gee."

Frank doesn't notice the pointed look Mikey gives Gerard, the way he nods his head toward Frank and raises his brows, a whole conversation going over his head as he simply takes Gerard in. He only notices when Gerard's cheeks turn rosy, ducking his head again and looking down at the floor between them, and Mikey elbows Frank in the side again, a bit harder than last time. Frank elbows him back, barely giving him a look before turning back to Gerard.

"Uh, would you… want to hang with us?" Frank asks, heart thumping hard as Gerard stares, wide-eyed like a deer caught in headlights. He blinks, and Frank can see the bob of his throat when he swallows before nodding, the ghost of a smile making Frank's hope climb. Gerard wants to hang out with them, with _him_ , and Frank wants to cheer, to pump his fists and laugh, but he just grins, stupidly happy as Gerard comes further into the room and hovers beside the bed on Frank's side.

"Actually, I just remembered I had to go. Ray wanted to hang out tonight with some friends," Mikey interjects, and Frank's attention is finally pulled from Gerard as he blinks back at Mikey, surprised. Mikey had been bugging him about visiting for weeks now, and had been adamant Frank come by tonight.

"Oh, sure dude. Should I go?"

"Nah, I should be back soon. He just needed some help with something. You guys can pick a movie and I'll be back in no time," Mikey replies, scooting back and letting Frank climb off the bed before following close behind to toe on his shoes.

Frank knows Mikey is bullshitting him but doesn't call him on it, weighing his options before nodding. Gerard seems genuinely happy to see him; if Mikey's meddling let's Frank hang out with Gerard for even a little while, he'll take it.

"Sure dude. That ok, Gerard?" he asks, turning back to Gee, who's backed up toward the door. Gerard gives a tentative nod, looking nervous.

"Sure."

Frank nods back, following Gerard out of the room and down the stairs, Mikey a couple steps behind. They stand at the foot of the stairs and watch as Mikey grabs his coat and keys, and Frank doesn't miss the look Mikey gives Gerard, a short conversation without words. He turns to wave at them both, muttering a little "bye, guys," before stepping out, the quiet after the door shuts behind him thick and claustrophobic. Frank ignores the impulse to grab his shit and run out the door after him, to leave before he messes this up again, and turns to Gerard, who looks just as nervous, biting his bottom lip and shuffling his feet before he straightens, tucking his hair behind his ear and turning to Frank.

"Want to pick a movie? I can see what we have to eat?"

Frank nods, tries on a smile. He hopes it doesn't look as nervous as he feels. "Sure."

Gerard nods, shooting him a feeble little smile before shuffling toward the kitchen, leaving Frank to descend the basement stairs to Gerard's room to pick a movie. He stops just outside the door, swallowing past his nerves. He hasn't been in here since the breakup, when he came to talk to Gerard face to face.

"Head in and start the movie, I'll be right there," Gerard calls, and Frank nods to himself, squares his shoulders, and steps inside.

The room is dim and messy, clothes strewn on the floor and the desk chair, blankets drooping off the bed. He breathes in the slightly musty smell, paper and comics and dust and something distinctly _Gerard_ , before moving to the tv set up and plopping on the floor to look over Gerard's towering stack of dvds. He picks something they haven't seen in a while, one they hadn't watched on any of their dates. He isn't sure what Gerard wants, if he's even interested in anything but friendship with Frank now after everything that's happened, but Frank doesn't want to put on anything that might remind him of their relationship if that's not what Gerard wants. There's a difference between not hating Frank for breaking up with him and wanting to get back together, and even a year after the breakup, Frank still isn't sure exactly where he stands with Gerard. He sighs, grabs the movie, and puts it on, leaving it on the title screen as he settles on the couch and waits for Gerard, leaving plenty of space for him on the couch to sit as close or far away from Frank as he wants.

Gerard comes in sooner than Frank expects, laden with a bowl of popcorn and a box of Oreos. He pauses in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot as he just looks at Frank for a second before giving him another small smile and making his way in, settling on the couch beside Frank. He hands Frank the Oreos and sets the popcorn between them, eyeing the title screen with a grin.

"I haven't seen this one in forever," he murmurs, leaning forward to snatch up the remote and hit play. Frank nods, smiling, but doesn't reply. He just rips open the cookies and sets the box between them, pulling his feet up and wrapping his arms around his knees. He's acutely aware of how close Gerard is sitting next to him, the snacks the only thing in the way of them touching. He focuses his gaze on the movie, trying to get lost in it, but the only thing he's aware of is the feeling of Gerard moving on the couch beside him, the sound of his own breathing, this feeling of anticipation and nerves hanging over them like a fog. He pulls in a deep breath, smelling Gerard's soap, his shampoo, the popcorn, the room. It's like coming home after too long away.

Gerard had always been his home, back then.

He tries to lose himself in the movie, pretending that this is just another hangout with his friends, back before it happened, before they got together and fell apart. He remembers the way he'd always been so aware of Gerard even then, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, gauging what he did and Gerard's reactions to it closely. He feels like that now, like he's taking notes, keeping tabs on what Gerard is doing, gauging his mood with the quick little glances he throws his way when he isn't looking. He wonders when Mikey will be back, if he's coming back at all tonight or if he's giving them plenty of time to sort their shit out. But Frank is too scared to even try to breach the subject, too scared of what Gerard might say. How is he supposed to tell him he's still in love with him, that he messed up and wants another chance, after what he put Gerard through? He swallows, pushes back the memories of them on the bed, facing each other as Frank broke his heart, and tries to watch the movie.

"It must be hard for him, taking care of her like that," Gerard murmurs, and Frank is sure he feels his gaze on Frank even though he's too scared to look back. He nods, keeping his eyes on the screen. Gerard continues.

"But I think it would be worth it, if it were the right person."

Frank swallows back past the threat of tears, blinks his eyes. Nods.

"Yeah."

Gerard doesn't comment on his voice, rough with unshed tears. Frank swallows, composes himself, and reaches over for a handful of popcorn.

And like the forces above are laughing at Frank's misery, Gerard reaches at the same time, hand warm as it covers Frank's. Frank freezes, popcorn quickly crushed in his grip, but before he can snatch his hand away Gerard's fingers ghost over the back of his hand and up to his wrist, sending warmth up his entire arm as his hand moves along Frank's skin. Frank isn't sure when he drops the popcorn, but soon Gerard's hand is moving further, fingers interlocking with Frank's, palm damp and warm against his own. He squeezes, a question, an _"is this ok?"_

Frank squeezes back and doesn't let go.

Frank hasn't been this nervous and giddy to hold someone's hand in a while, their hands damp with melted butter and sweat. It's gross and absolutely perfect, and Frank would be happy to sit there and hold his stupid hand all night.

Instead, he opens his stupid mouth, unable to hold back the words that have been sitting at the back of his throat for a year now.

"I never should have let you go. I don't usually regret the things I've done, but I've regretted breaking up with you since the moment I did it."

Gerard's hand tightens around his, and Frank chances a look from the corner of his eye. Gerard looks thoughtful, a small smile on his face tinged with sadness, regret.

"I think we needed it. We needed that time apart. I know I wasn't… we weren't working, at that point."

"We could have," Frank argues, thinking of his grandparents, dating and marrying each other, together for sixty years and counting. Gerard shrugs, nods.

"Maybe. But I think we're better now than we were, at the end. Don't you?"

Frank stops to really think about it, watching as the main girl rips some bullies to shreds. He nods, squeezes Gerard's hand again because he can, because he wants to.

"Yeah. I think so too."

They watch the movie hand in hand, quiet but for Gerard's bits of commentary. It feels so easy, so natural, Frank wonders if it's a dream. If he fell asleep in Mikey's bed and imagined this whole night. He lets Gerard go to pick a new movie, surprised when he stops in front of him, one side of his mouth curled up as Frank just blinks up at him, confused.

"Can I help you?"

Gerard snorts out a giggle, the first Frank's heard in a while, and it hits him square in the chest, how much he loves this dork.

"Scoot over, I wanna sit with you."

"You were already sitting with me," Frank argues, but he scoots to the corner of the couch, making space for Gerard beside him. Gerard climbs right next to him, moving the snacks to the table and arranging his limbs and Frank's until he's laying with his head against Frank's chest, his body between Frank's knees. Frank tightens the loose hold he has around Gerard, smiling against the top of Gerard's head when he snuggles back against him with a happy sigh.

"I missed you, Frankie," Gerard murmurs as Patricia Tallman runs from the newly reanimated corpses around the cemetery, and Frank squeezes him again.

"I missed you too, Gee," he murmurs, leaving a quick kiss on his hair.

They stay like that throughout the movie, until Gerard's breathing evens out and Frank knows he's fallen asleep. He can't see the clock from here, but he thinks it must be around midnight or one, an early night for Gerard. Frank takes the opportunity to snuggle closer, and doesn't fight it as he slowly drifts off with him, arms still holding Gerard close.

* * *

When Mikey comes back an hour or so later, he doesn't bother knocking when he heads down to Gerard's room. He stops to listen for only a moment, making sure he doesn't walk in on something compromising before slowly opening the door and peering inside.

He finds Frank and Gerard sprawled across the couch, the 90s remake of Night of the Living Dead casting blue-tinted light across their sleeping forms with Frank on his back and Gerard snuggled against his chest, their arms wrapped around each other and legs tangled together. Mikey smiles, edging back out of the room as he pulls his phone out, shooting Ray a quick text.

_I think it worked. I hope it did, at least_

Ray texts back before Mikey's made it up the stairs to his own room.

_I hope so too._


End file.
